The Chaos of Stars (Kiersten White)

Kiersten White, New York Times bestselling author of Paranormalcy, is back with The Chaos of Stars—an enchanting novel set in Egypt and San Diego that captures the magic of first love and the eternally complicated truth about family. Isadora's family is seriously screwed up—which comes with the territory when you're the human daughter of the ancient Egyptian gods Isis and Osiris. Isadora is tired of living with crazy relatives who think she's only worthy of a passing glance—so when she gets the chance to move to California with her brother, she jumps on it. But her new life comes with plenty of its own dramatic—and dangerous—complications . . . and Isadora quickly learns there's no such thing as a clean break from family.

I'm starting to realize something. If I stop reading a book in the midst of it, (unless I'm at school, then this doesn't apply) there's probably a reason. I've noticed that. I still haven't finished Revealed of the House of Night series. Oh, I've started it and I've read the end but even now as I try to push myself through it for the second time, I just can't do it.

This beautiful cover got me and the name and time period in which it was published had me confusing it with These Broken Stars. Both have exquisitely made covers. But this book made me realize what guys mean when they complain about push up bras or leggings are false advertisements about some girls bodies. That's what beautiful book covers are when the content inside doesn't live up to the cover.

(BTW: I loved Isadora's name.) She is the mortal daughter born to Egyptian gods, Isis and Osiris in the present day times in Egypt. She is sixteen and hasn't traveled past the Nile. However, her mother has had bad omens that something bad is about to happen to her as well as Isadora in her dreams. Isadora doesn't believe that dreams can be connected to the future so she lies to her mother about\their dreams similarities. Isadora is bitter because as a child she grew up believing she was immortal like her parents and would live forever. However, when a childhood pet dies and her parents tell her it will join her in the afterlife, she realizes that isn't their plan for her. Creepily enough, they've already had her start designing her tomb as a child.

Isadora grow up into a bitter teen who believes her mother only has children (one every 20 years) because  the modern world no longer worships them and lives off her children's worship. She even names her children variations of her and her husbands names (ex. Isadora; Sirus) Isis decides to keep her daughter safe, she'll send her off to San Diego where her second-to-last child, Sirus resides. Isadora is happy about this because her mother has decided to have another baby four years before her typical pattern.

But something has followed Isadora to San Deigo. And it's no Big, Bad, Evil. Instead, it's a bad smell (later followed by a Big, Bad, Evil but not until much, much later).

Anyways, Isis forces Isadora to take a job at a museum full of artifacts she has donated for a brief collection. There Isadora meets a ash-blonde teen girl named Tyler (oh, gosh) who also works at the museum.

Isadora, declares Tyler is the Most Interesting Person ever and decides to make her her San Diego go-to-BFF. Tyler has a boyfriend named Scott (a guy) who has a friend named Ry (also a guy) who is named after Orion. This is relevant because for as long as she can remember, Isadora has had a fixation on the constellation Orion although her mother hates all things Greek for stealing all the God-worshiping mortals from her. Anyway, Ry writes epic poetry and his family is Greek. I knew he especially would be important because during Isadora's Isis rebellion in San Diego, she cuts and dyes her hair. When he sees her, he "stares at me like he's seen a ghost. Even his olive skin has paled" and says, "Your hair. I didn't recognize you before... I didn't recognize you when we met before. But now I do." 

Later, Isadora finds out that she and her family aren't the only gods out there. Orion isn't the original Orion but named after him. He isn't immortal either but the son of Aphrodite and Hephaestus who are happily in love.

Aphrodite who cheats on her ugly, unwanted blacksmith of a husband, Hephaestus for Ares numerous times in mythology. Hephaestus even catches them in old myths! You're trying to tell me they are in love?

But it only gets worse. During the moment where this is revealed to Isadora, Ry also ILY's her. That's right, he tells her he loves her!

That's when I was really done.

Even she says it: dude, you don't even know her! And his explanation that she's been in his dreams for years holds no gravity. He just looked at her as stone, that's it. I really thought this book wasn't going to do that. Ry and Isadora had only spent time together eating and working on her exhibit. He knows she's from Egypt, she has some family issues/problems and she loves interior design. She knows he has Greek heritage, he writes epic poetry (Seriously, what the fuck?) and...that's about it, other then he is homeschooled.

I didn't like Ry as a love interest for a number of reasons. Maybe it wasn't dislike and more that the author didn't convince me. She didn't even fully convince Isadora! Actually, he does know something else about Isadora. Isadora tells him she just wants to be friends. She can't stand commitment because she can barely deal with facing her own eventual death, let alone losing someone else. Initially, Ry agrees with this but like all YA guys, he doesn't know when to stop pushing. He tries to hold Isadora's hand during a movie and she runs away. His excuse is that "friends hold hands."

The fuck they do!

After Isadora runs away from him (specifically his love revelation since she runs away from him a lot), the half-assed Evil plot joins the climax. Other than bad smells, a house break in and a museum guard getting put in the hospital and bad dreams, the Evil barely shows up in the story. Most time is spent doing things to rebell against Isis and fight her attraction towards Ry. When Isadora is running away from Ry's stupid love confession she runs into her creepy half brother/cousin Anubis (his mom and Isis sister got sick of trying to get Set-her hubby-to sleep with her, so she pretended to be Isis and slept with Orsirus. Thus, Anubis is born. He rules the Underworld with their father but wants more out of life. Understandable.) The funky smell we've Isadora's been dealing with all novel is the smell of the liquid Egyptians put their organs and crap in when they are mummified. (Disgusting!) He forces Isadora to read her mothers hand on one of the artifacts that reveals a snake that can poison gods. Isis is the only one who can bring gods back to life, but if she is killed, anyone-even the gods-can be dead for good.

Ry, Ty and Sy Scott save Isadora from Anubis but he already has what he wants. It takes all night and a concussion for Isadora to figure out his plan.

Ry, who doesn't listen to Isadora when she told him she needed space when she went home alone, is outside her house and ready to give her access to his Greek God private plane that takes her to Egypt. Once there, Isadora realizes she was wrong about his accomplice. She was too busy slut-shaming her brother's, Horus' (or Whore-us as she confusingly refers to him) wife Hathor (the goddess of sex and beer), she doesn't realize Anubis' accomplice is his mother/her aunt. Her aunt has been poisoning Isis during her pregnancy and has gotten away with it without Isadora there to realize what's going on.

The demon her aunt leaves to take care of her, very easily lets her pass, and Isadora leaves Ry to deal with Anubis. She bursts into her mothers birthing chamber where her aunt is with the God-killing snake. Her aunt releases the snake and it launches at Isadora...who conveniently is still wearing the gold wristlet/bracelet Ry gave her before his declaration of love. The snake's fangs get stuck in it and she remains safe. She tells her parents all about her aunt's evil plans and her mother decides to forget her name which apparently was the only thing keeping her aunt alive. Cast out, Isadora's mom starts giving birth to a daughter named Dora and she decides to possibly (forget it, you know she is) giving Ry a chance although she doesn't believe in his love-crap baloney.

Sigh. I will never get these hours back. Just think about all that time and beautiful book cover wasted on this book. It could've been so much more.