The One & Only (Emily Giffin)

Thirty-three-year-old Shea Rigsby has spent her entire life in Walker, Texas—a small college town that lives and dies by football, a passion she unabashedly shares. Raised alongside her best friend, Lucy, the daughter of Walker’s legendary head coach, Clive Carr, Shea was too devoted to her hometown team to leave. Instead she stayed in Walker for college, even taking a job in the university athletic department after graduation, where she has remained for more than a decade. But when an unexpected tragedy strikes the tight-knit Walker community, Shea’s comfortable world is upended, and she begins to wonder if the life she’s chosen is really enough for her. As she finally gives up her safety net to set out on an unexpected path, Shea discovers unsettling truths about the people and things she has always trusted most—and is forced to confront her deepest desires, fears, and secrets.

BEFORE READING
Just reading the reviews and seeing the others who hated all the Texas and football in this book makes me want to read it. I'm from Texas and in the South, football is like a second religion. A reviewer seemed pissed off by the books point that no one cares if you've been raped if the guy plays football, and sadly this really does occur in high school, college and pro-ball. The summary intrigued me but so did the other readers opinions. I can't wait to get my hands on this book.

AFTER READING
I wasn't sure what to expect from this book. I don't really run into books that talk about football in the Texas setting so much. And usually when you see girls like Shea, they don't seem 100% authentic. Girls like Shea who are that into football are usually in romance novels that have a little more emphasis on sex and seem only as a plot device to intense the male lead. However, Shea doesn't seem like that at all. Overall, I'm not sure how I felt about her as a character. Mainly it was her crush on her best friend's coach that got me. I really was psycho-analyzing her reasons for have feelings for Coach.

I figured it was because of her complicated relationship with her father. He is the impiety of guys who don't know what they want. He cheated on his first wife with Shea's mom, married her, had a kid with her then turned around and decided he wanted his first wife and daughter and left them. Coach was the only kind of father-figure in Shea's life so I figured that's why she liked him. I didn't expect for him to return her feelings and I definitely wasn't expecting for them to be together. Especially in light of how The One & Only begins. Lucy's mom and Coach's wife has just lost her battle to cancer and passed away as the novel opens. And this awakens something in Shea as she realizes she's going nowhere in life.

She stayed in town and went to Walker U, (the university that Coach coaches at, and the fictional rival of the University of Texas-Austin) works at Walker.

She's dating this boring but well-meaning loser, Miller and is doing nothing with her life. The funeral at the beginning serves as a catalyst to Shea questioning what she's done with her life and (annoyingly so) it's Coach who actually motivates a change. She quits her job at Walker U and starts working as a sports journalist at the Dallas Morning Post. She breaks up with Miller and starts dating the Dallas Cowboys (fictional) quarterback and Walker alum, Ryan James. Whoo! No more Tony Romo!

Anyway, he seemed nice enough in the beginning. Against her reservations, Shea sleeps over (haha, but doesn't sleep over) the night of their first date. Then pretty soon they're having sex. I was concerned because Ryan just ended a marriage and is keeping in touch with his wife. However, he's not cheating and if anyone is hiding their relationship, it's Shea. She doesn't want to be in the spotlight and she doesn't want Coach to know.

If there was any doubts about Coach and Shea's relationship in the beginning, Giffin did a good job of taking Shea's unrequited crush into genuine love between both characters. She actually developed a relationship past the platonic one that existed before between Shea and Coach that was real and legitimate. One of the things I really liked about this book is that Giffin has no problem breaking Shea's hero worship of Coach. Despite her argument against my (and her father's thoughts) that her feelings for Coach were just due to his role as a father figure in her life, her feelings for him weren't just because of him being who he was. However, it isn't because he's a stand-in father figure that she likes him, but Shea worships him a pure, sinless football god. For the two to truly be able to move forward in their relationship this has to be broken and Shea has to see him as a person.

I had a bunch of questions about the relationship. For a long time, I assumed that Coach wasn't going to return Shea's feelings and she'd end her relationship with Dallas Cowboys quarterback, Ryan Jame and end up alone. However, that's not what happened. So when I saw the direction the novel was going I started wondering how exactly this relationship would work. But Shea insisted that she didn't want kids. But I still wondered if Coach wanted to marry her one day, how exactly would that work? Being her best friends stepmom?

Which reminds me of another aspect about their relationship I kept wondering about: Lucy. Lucy's reaction to Shea and Coach's relationship was valid to me.

a) She was closer to her mother
b) and her mother has recently died
c) not to mention, Lucy can't picture her dad with anyone but her mother
d) ...let alone her own best friend
e) ...who already has a relationship with her father that Lucy's jealous of.

No wonder she was mad! No matter what Shea says, Coach was not a good father to Lucy. She didn't want to have anything to do with his football world and he didn't try to meet her on another level like she tried to with him. Throughout the entire novel this doesn't change. Lucy keeps trying and Coach doesn't care. He tries in his relationship with Shea and Lucy even allows the two to be together in the end. But in the last glimpse we see of them, Coach still isn't trying to create a better relationship with Lucy. He even forgets Lucy's birthday and hilariously enough, his granddaughter called him out on it.

I died!

I will admit, yes there's a lot of football in this book. Maybe a little too much for Giffin's target audience without some kind of glossary or clues. However, I only found myself skimming over one scene that had too much football for me.

One complaint I do have is the alleged rape is dealt very off-handedly and like an afterthought in the story. I still don't understand why Coach decided to bring it up especially since it wasn't really dealt with. It actually kind of pissed me off how Shea and Coach were so sure to dismiss the victim's story because they "'can't believe Ryan would even rape someone."

Are you serious? Do you know how many mothers and fathers, sons and daughters, friends, siblings and co-workers insisted that alleged rapists weren't rapists when they actually are. You weren't in the room therefore you don't know. Did she not remember just earlier in the book that she didn't think Ryan would ever grab on her and hurt her? Talk about Too Stupid To Live. That really pissed me off. That was some true ignorance that I don't know if the author meant to include in the story or not.

Otherwise this was a very interesting read and I enjoyed seeing my home (properly and realistically) portrayed in literature.

The Probability of Miracles (Wendy Wunder)

Dry, sarcastic, sixteen-year-old Cam Cooper has spent the last seven years in and out hospitals. The last thing she wants to do in the short life she has left is move 1,500 miles away to Promise, Maine - a place known for the miraculous events that occur there. But it's undeniable that strange things happen in Promise: everlasting sunsets; purple dandelions; flamingos in the frigid Atlantic; an elusive boy named Asher; and finally, a mysterious envelope containing a list of things for Cam to do before she dies. As Cam checks each item off the list, she finally learns to believe - in love, in herself, and even in miracles. A debut novel from an immensely talented new writer, The Probability of Miracles crackles with wit, romance and humor and will leave readers laughing and crying with each turn of the page.

First off, yayyyy for a protagonist that's not white for once!

Or, at least not full white. Not to mention Cam's other culture (she's half Samoan) is completely embraced in this novel. There's even a scene where one of her friends tries to make a little joke about her Samoan side but she quickly sets them straight. You go, girl!

There are few books that make me want to reread them in physical form (versus in electronic form), but this is one of them. Despite the different plot points and characteristics that frequent most contemporary YA novels, this one managed to stay original...mostly.

Most importantly, Cam is dying of cancer. And Since her father died, Alicia (Cam's mom) has been with a bunch of different guys. Therefore Cam has learned true love=not real. Commitment=doesn't exist. People=are fickle. Also, Cam is a very sarcastic, I'm-not-a-typical-teenager teenager. The story isn't told through her point of view but third person, however the focus remains strictly on Cam. 

Cam has a best friend (who also has the same cancer) who is having an affair with another girl's boyfriend. I was really hoping this plot-line was going to be different. First the guy, Ryan, goes to youth group and his girlfriend won't have sex with him. Lily (the best friend) goes to youth group too but will have sex with him. When we first see Ryan and Lily interact he seems to go beyond the stereotypes the plot demands of him. He waits for Lily to eat before he does, he helps her when she has a remission-caused nosebleed and seems like he genuinely cares about her. But when Cam gets him alone and asks his intentions, Ryan basically states he doesn't see the point of dumping his girlfriend for him. I can't decide if he thinks this because she is dying or because he really doesn't want to be with her. It sucked.

Cam's best friend also ties in another plot device from other YA stories. When she and Cam were younger and were away at what seemed like a cancer camp, they each made bucket lists. However, to keep them from sounding so depressing they call them Flamingo lists. 

A lot of Cam's sarcasm and personality comes out in her penning of the list, which is a sad ode to the life of a teenager/teens in YA. (Is this really what we're like?)

FLAMINGO LIST (I rearranged them in the order they are achieved)

* Experiment with petty shoplifting.

* Have an awkward moment with my best friend’s boyfriend.

* Dabble in some innocent stalking behavior.

* Drink beer.

* Lose my virginity at a keg party.

* Have my heart broken by an asshole.

* Stay out all night.

* Wallow in misery, mope, pout, and sleep through Saturday.

* Get fired from a summer job.

* Go cow-tipping.

* Kill my little sister’s dreams.

Anyways, in the beginning of the novel Cam has just found out that she is in remission yet again but this time there is nothing the doctors can do for her. This flashback was really sad because Cam's doctor was upset and she was trying to make him feel better. So her mom is like, we're going to find a cure. She hears about this magical miracle town in Maine called Promise and whisks Cam and her little sister Perry away from their DisneyWorld life (they work/live at DisneyWorld, BTW) and leaves her current boyfriend behind.

Once in Promise, miracles ignite. Almost immediately in their entrance to the town Cam meets a boy named Asher. Asher is a bunch of cliches. He is a good-looking football player who has the cream of the crop (what the hell does that saying even mean?) to chose from with girls. However, in his spare time Asher enjoys getting hand jobs from older women. Also, Asher is afraid. He's afraid to leave Promise because his parents died when they left, so what if he does too?

In the beginning I liked Cam and Asher's relationship. Yes, she thought he was cute and engaged in some innocent stalking from her widows walk but he wasn't all that she was thinking about. Cam still had a personality past her crush on Asher. And their relationship seemed to progress at a good phase. That is, until Cam's new employer and Asher's aunt reveals his back story to her. I felt like this took the place of a actual intimate bonding moment between the two characters that could've furthur developed their relationship. Instead, it was still used as such. Soon a rift occurs between Cam, Asher, Perry and Alicia, they kiss and soon are all touchy-feely with each other.

Cam soon gets a lot of her list done. In one night and the fallout that follows, she manages to knock a good three or four off her list. Perry insists that she goes to a island rager which you have to zip-line to get too. Once there Cam actually makes some friends her age like this girl named Sunny and starts hula dancing. She also drinks a little and manages to catch a drunkie. The guy's name is Alec and he is a French exchange student. He leads Cam to this boat where they start making out. She tries to tell him no, but he's all:

and takes her virginity even though she didn't say yes. In fact, she specifically said no. So it was non-consensual sex. I know she didn't fight and later said that it actually started feeling good...until it didn't but still. If someone says no, it means:

I didn't even really process what the fuck had happened until later when I re-read that scene. Ugh, what a fucking loser. Then on top of that, (of course) Alec has a girlfriend. A girlfriend that Cam sorta-kinda-but-not-really be friends as time passes. I know she had given up on finding love before she died but I really wish that she could've had a different first time.

This book brought up some good points. Like Perry goes off on Cam once for not recognizing that as young as she is, she's had to make sacrifices for Cam's illness too. Cam isn't the only one being effected by her cancer. So is her mom and her sister. I think it's fairly easy in books like these for the authors and main characters to get lost in their struggle and seeing the grief in the people around them that they forget this aspect. The loved ones of someone with cancer aren't just mourning, they are making sacrifices for the cancer patient whether they are dying and trying to find a cure. It was so sad though to hear Perry have to tell Cam this. 
One of the main issues in the story is that Cam refuses to believe in miracles. She refuses to believe that the town was magical. She even gets into a fight with her mom and sister about this. They beg her to believe and she refuses. Trying to help them, she tries to make her mom's garden magically grow overnight and makes a donkey into a unicorn for her sister. However, she fails miserably.

At this point Cam hits the lowest of low points. Desperately needing someone to talk to, she tries to call Lily but her mother informs her that Lily actually died three days ago and they had forgotten to call Cam and let her know. Finally Cam is done.

She decides that she's tired of living and takes a bunch of pills and tries to drive her car off a cliff. But the pills kick in too soon and she crashes into a bouncy house and Asher manages to find her (after his dick's happy time) and forces her to throw up the pills. After this, she manages to work everything out with her family and Asher. This actually leads to Asher cutting off the older girl and he and Cam eventually start dating.

Everything seems good for a while. Somehow Lily managed to send Cam a couple of gifts beyond the grave. The first is the now-bedazzled picture of them that Cam stole from her house. She also actually made a real version of that book thing they were writing together. She also sent Cam her own Flamingo list. The only thing that wasn't checked (I was soooooo sad. I had hoped things would change for her) was "find true love" but Cam decided that she, herself had. The last thing Lily arranged was a Make a Wish gift that ironically sent Cam back home to DisneyWorld with her friends.

Just as she prepares to take Asher and her friends to DisneyWorld, Asher notices a blue spot (a symptom of her disease) on her, but she blows it off. Her focus is getting him and her friends outside of Promise to show them what the world is like. Her mother kept refusing to let her go because she was scared that leaving Promise would send Cam in remission. She's partly right, but the new blue spot appears right before they even leave. Anyway, the trip is nice, she and Asher have sex (although they've had sex before this and are dating now, hence the touch-feely period) and they bring back Alicia's left behind boyfriend because Cam realizes now that her sister and mother love him more then just temporarily. The boyfriend proposes to the mom and they get married in Promise.

This is where the next couple of chapters keep having the perfect endings for the novel, but they aren't the endings. It'll just be another chapter. Cam starts semi-dreaming of the future. She's been accepted into Harvard and Asher is semi-considering leaving Promise. However, Cam can feel death coming for her. The symptoms started just before she left Promise and are only getting worse. But then the two of them get into a  huge fight as Cam tries to push Asher to leave Promise. It almost sounds like a last wish. Angry, Asher goes out in the sea and a huge storm appears.

A ghost ancestor of his appears to Cam and tells her that yes, she will be dying soon but she has to call him back. Cam holds on for as long as she can before she passes out. Her family has to leave Promise to get her to a real hospital. Cam says goodbye to her family and luckily Asher appears and they say their goodbyes.

And then she dies. My first thought was: What? WHAT? She dies? She dies? What the hell kind of book is called The Probability of Miracles and she actually dies!!?! Was that the point? So we could calculate the chances of the things that Cam did experience in Promise were actually miracles? Or were they just a bunch of coincidences? Was it a coincidence that the flamingos came there or were they really for her? Was it a coincidence that she was getting better before she died or was it really the works of a miracle that didn't work?

But maybe the miracle wasn't that Cam was supposed to live. Maybe the miracle was that she actually saw and experienced love and died with it. I know when she died she was surprised she still felt the love of all her loved ones. Maybe the miracle was Asher. Maybe the miracle was finding friends, a family. Maybe the miracle was seeing that true love and commitment were real despite her past and people like Alec probing her wrong. Maybe the miracle was the love Cam actually had to earn from Asher and Sunny and the others and the love she witnessed between Perry, her mother and her boyfriend. Maybe that's the miracle: love.

Anyway, despite my spoiling of the plot you should definitely read this book. I loved the writing and some of the characters. This book is underrated on Goodreads and should definitely be read more.