The Secrets of Lily Graves

With the intrigue of Pretty Little Liars and plenty of romance, bestselling author Sarah Strohmeyer weaves a story of secrets and lies—set in a funeral parlor. Growing up in a house of female morticians, Lily Graves knows all about buried secrets. She knows that perfect senior-class president Erin Donohue isn’t what she seems. She knows why Erin’s ex-boyfriend, hot football player Matt Houser, broke up with her. And she also knows that, even though she says she and Matt are just friends, there is something brewing between them—something Erin definitely did not like. But secrets, even ones that are long buried, have a way of returning to haunt their keeper. So when Erin is found dead the day after attacking Lily in a jealous rage, Lily's and Matt’s safe little lives, and the lives of everyone in their town of Potsdam, begin to unravel. And their relationship—which grew from innocent after-school tutoring sessions to late-night clandestine rendezvous—makes them both suspects. As her world crumbles around her, Lily must figure out the difference between truth and deception, genuine love and a web of lies. And she must do it quickly, before the killer claims another victim.

Whoever named this book needs to get fired.

Because The Secrets of Lily Graves? This girl ain't got no secrets! Not even one! Instead it was the people around her with the secrets!

The novel opens with Lily working in a graveyard when this crazy girl rolls up and is all,
"OMG! You stole my boyfriend!" and Lily (and the reader) is all, "What?"

Because if Lily doesn't know what she's talking about neither do we! So they get into a little fight before the crazy girl takes off.

It's not until after the fight we learn that the boyfriend (or now ex-boyfriend who's name is Matt) and Lily are not platonic friends like she was making it seem. Instead we have a little bit of emotional cheating going on. While Matt is with the Crazy Girl, he gets tutored and sends his afterhours all up in Lily's DM's when he should be with his girlfriend.

She's sat in his lap, there's some sexual tension but no actual physical touching. So I don't know why Lily was acting like she didn't know Matt was into her when she so knows.

Anyway, the next thing we know Lily's parents are telling her Crazy Girl Erin is dead. Not her parents I mean. Her mom and her mom's boyfriend, the town's chief of police.

There's two reason Lily knows this before anyone else in town.

1. See above about maternal boyfriend's career choice
2. Lily's mom and fam run this funeral home in their small town.

She's all in love with death and the color black and wants to go into this exact same career choice when she's older.

All I can think of is the smell those frogs you dissect in school smell like thinking about this, We don't learn if she has a particular reason of why she's in love with all-things-death, just that she is. So she wears black and lace all the time and people don't fuck with her.

Except Sara.

Sara is her best friend.

I remember wondering about Sara's parents but initially decided not to look at them because they seemed to be too wrapped in their religion (sometimes those are the worst ones) and...actually that may have been the only reason. The whole Erin interning at their place of work just seemed a little suspect to me but I should've stayed with that line of thinking.

But I shouldn't have. It turns out that Sara's dad and Erin were messing around. Then if I remember correctly either she gets pregnant and/or threatens to tell everyone so he kills her.

And not only does Sara know this but her mom does too. So when Lily Graves discovers this, her best friend and fam try to kill her.

Of course she doesn't die, the bad guys are arrested and she and stupid-boy live happily ever after.

The boring end.

The Rules for Disappearing [The Rules #1]

She’s been six different people in six different places: Madeline in Ohio, Isabelle in Missouri, Olivia in Kentucky . . . But now that she’s been transplanted to rural Louisiana, she has decided that this fake identity will be her last. Witness Protection has taken nearly everything from her. But for now, they’ve given her a new name, Megan Rose Jones, and a horrible hair color. For the past eight months, Meg has begged her father to answer one question: What on earth did he do – or see – that landed them in this god-awful mess? Meg has just about had it with all the Suits’ rules — and her dad’s silence. If he won’t help, it’s time she got some answers for herself. But Meg isn’t counting on Ethan Landry, an adorable Louisiana farm boy who’s too smart for his own good. He knows Meg is hiding something big. And it just might get both of them killed. As they embark on a perilous journey to free her family once and for all, Meg discovers that there’s only one rule that really matters — survival.

When the novel opens, we met "Meg" in the middle of another transition to a new identity. For the last two (and a half, I think) years, Meg and her family have bounced from place to place on the run from someone or something that she has no idea who. Her once social and entertaining mother has become a alcoholic, her parents marriage is on the rocks, her little sister (affectionately nicknamed Tiny by family only) has stopped speaking and even reverted a bit in her child development.

In the beginning, she only thought it was temporary. She made friends, she joined teams, she even dated. But the end result remained the same. The suits (aka the WITSEC-Witness Protection agents) would always show up and relocate them. "Meg" has no idea what's happening. All she knows is, it's getting worse. During this new placement, she and her sister's long blonde hair has been cut and dyed brown and she's been forced to wear brown eye contacts as they relocate to Louisiana.

Understandably tired (emotionally cites the psychology side of me), "Meg" decides that she won't make friends or try to kindle anything with any guys during this placement. It's only going to result in a move anyway, right? Instead, her goal is to find out what her dad did to land them in the program. But it's hard. Her parents don't talk to each other and her father has terrible interactions with his daughters, although "Meg" doesn't help at all.

But of course, this being YA, "Meg" is going to find a guy who is determined to figure her out and get her to change her mind.

The moment that "Meg's" love interest was introduced, I was immediately creeped out. His name is Ethan Landry...you know, like the Ethan Landry who (highlight for spoiler) killed Sutton Mercer and dated her twin as she hunted for her sister's killer! Creepy! Anyways, Ethan is a downright Louisana-ian with a accent and boots to match. I spot his use in the novel the second "Meg" was checking him out in the office. Pretty soon after they meet, Ethan realizes that "Meg" knows nothing about the area (I think it was Oklahoma as her fake pre-move setting) she supposedly came from. Then he realizes that she isn't telling the truth and semi-understandably is intrigued to tries to question her and catch her in lies. Since we were following the story through "Meg's" point of view, I felt frustrated and annoyed by him for her. Did he not realize what he could do to her world? (Of course not, but I know more then he does, so I wanted him to stop).

But because guys think the word "no" is a challenge, Ethan keeps after her. In public, he covers for her litle blunders. In private, he still tries to catch her in a lie or reveal herself. "Meg" tries to stay away from him but when she gets a job at a local pizzeria, she doesn't realize that his aunt is the one who owns it. Because no one wants her sister to be home alone with her drunkard mother and her dad doesn't get off work til 7, Tiny comes to wor with "Meg." Ethan uses this time to do what her family couldn't in the past few months, he manages to bring out old-Tiny in a few days with her.

He even manages to hear "Meg" slip up when she calls her Tiny instead of her fake name "Mary." Using her little sister for information pays off. Halfway. Tiny slips up and mentions Naples, Florida, one of the places their family lived at during a placement where "Meg" was "Avery Preston." Using this city name, Ethan just so-magically stumbles across the article that got the "Preston's" booted from the Sunshine State. Before "Meg" made her no-friends, no-boys rule, she joined a dance team at one of her placement schools where she was mentioned and photographed in a article. 

Smh, amateur. 

Actually, not entirely.

"You can tell me anything. You should know that," Ethan says.

What, Ethan? What?

But "Meg" has her shit together. 

"How would I know that? I've been here for what...two weeks?" I spin around to face him. "And why so nosy about me?"

For real. Does he not get how weird and creepy he is? How many times does she have to tell him off about that?

"What gives you the right to say this shit to me? Why do you care where I'm from? Why is anything I do or say any of your business?" (You go, girl! Times two!)

Anyways, "Meg" hurries up and lies. She tells Ethan that she is Avery Preston and that her dad got into some trouble and she had to move. That's it. He doesn't get anything else.

I will say that "Meg" impressed me. Some YA girls with secrets feel the urge to reveal their secrets to persistent boys far too soon for the relationship to have convinced me. "Meg" didn't feel the urge for a while and even then she fought it until he forced her hand. But more about that later.

During this persistent chase of "Meg" she tries to chase down information. Her dad won't tell her squat and her mom just tells her to ask her dad. (Isn't that backwards?)

But her dad won't tell her crap. So "Meg" has to resort to listening to her dad's phone calls and trying to write everything out in her cryptically kept journal. "Meg's" managed to keep the journal hidden from the suits during the moves and although she writes about her life and her repeated nightmares, she keeps it just vague enough. But then one night while she's doing laundry, someone steals her journal and she is heartbroken. (I predicted this during reading, but I thought it was going to be Ethan's cheerleading twin and her minions who don't like "Meg").

Ethan eventually gets to a point where he won't let "Meg" make her own decisions and when she seems wary about going on a date with him, he tells her when he's showing up to pick up even though she hadn't said yes yet. At another placement, "Meg" had a boyfriend named Tyler. One night he was supposed to pick her up so they could go to a Halloween party together, but she gets ripped from her placement. The feds don't even let her call him to tell him not to wait, so it's kind of haunted "Meg" ever since that she doesn't know how long he waited for her, before he realized she wasn't coming and he had been stood up.

By this point it doesn't matter. Ethan and "Meg" are dating/talking but not yet official. They skip class together, she goes over his house, they attend parties together. Basically, everything she said she wanted to do, she ends up doing the opposite of.

No boys Ethan Landry, basically her boyfriend
No friends Will and Catherine, another couple that Ethan and "Meg" double up with
Find answers She fails dramatically at this. She only overhears the one conversation her dad is having with the evil people trying to secure a deal and save his family.

One day "Meg" tries to skip school and look up answers on a coffee house computer, but a suit named Agent Thomas shows up and stops her. "Meg" thinks Agent T is actually a decent human being compared to the rest of the suits. He actually interacts with her and her family. The first time she talks to him it's because she finds a card in her mother's stuff and calls him. He makes an effort to reach out and help "Meg" but she's unwilling to accept it at the moment.

And that's not the only thing haunting her. "Meg's" been haunted by nightmares for a while now. And after one of her nightmares/flashbacks to the night she left her first life, it finally hits me. 78 pages into my 228 page e-book I figured it out.

It isn't her father who did or saw something, it's her.

There's a reason "Meg" can only remember bits and pieces from that night. She heard one of her best friends sneaking around with her longtime crush and her other best friend talking shit about her. Angry, she goes to a party with some lower class-men and gets drunk. And that's the most of what she can remember.

But that's not all that happened.

"Meg" realizes this while on a triple date with Ethan and his dad, his twin and her on-again-off-again boyfriend and his dad, Will and Catherine. Ethan decides to take her on a hog chasing shot out and the blood that hits her and what-not makes the rising memories completely rise to the surface.\

Ethan takes her home and she has a confrontation with her drunk mother. During which, her mother tells her the only reason any of this has happened is because of her, not her father. She wasn't supposed to be there, but she was.

See, what happened was: after getting drunk, "Meg" went over her crush, Brandon's house whose dad is also her dad's business partner. There, she sees his dad hide some ledgers before a man breaks into the house, threatens him and kills him. Brandon happens to walk into the room (she's hiding so no one knows she's there) and gets shot and killed. This is the death that traumatizes her. The killer happens to find her hiding space and to keep him from killing her, she tells him she knows where the ledgers are. Before she can tell him though, the cops show up and he disappears. It turns out he works for the Mexican drug cartel and her crushes dad had been handling their books for a while. The feds got on his tail and he was planning to give them up until the cartel found out and put a hit on his head. "Meg" wasn't supposed to be there. But she was and she saw it all.

She tells her dad that she remembers everything and they kind of mourn together. She learns that the suits wanted to put her in counseling to make her remember but he refused because he didn't want to do that to her. The two of them try to figure out all of their options. But there really isn't that many options. So she tries to have a top secret meeting with Agent T who isn't old or dumb. He quickly asks if a boy has anything to do with her change of heart but she denies it. (But it does. It so does.)

Finally, she comes up with a plan. She'll just go back home, find the ledgers, give them to the Bad Guy and everyone will be safe! She runs away but Ethan is a persistent little guy and sees what she's doing and follows her. She tries to keep him out of the know but he threatens to throw her out of the car. So she tells him everything. Together, they have a road trip which includes bloody confessions and steam filled make out scenes (to the narrator anyway). The climax was kind of boring. "Meg" uses her old two-faced friends to get to Brandon's house and get the ledger. But after she finds it, Agent T shows up and takes it from her.

Then (predictable) twist number two: Agent T is evil! He isn't a suit at all, he's been watching "Meg" under the feds noses because he works for the Mexican cartel and very nicely left "Meg" alive and took off with the ledger. With the guy hunting her dead and the ledgers done, "Meg" and her family get to come out of hiding. Her house gets a upgrade, her mom goes to rehab and she and Ethan finally DTR (define the relationship).

At the end, Meg-who-is-really-Anna, mysteriously finds her journal in her pocket. Along with a note and a daisy. The note reveals that the trackers were smart and clever trick (but not smart or clever enough) and that they thought she should have her journal back. Then, the note vaguely mentions, maybe I'll see you again. Which freaks Anna out to the core. She just got her life back. This isn't over after all.

However, the twist is the "T" who signed the note isn't Fake-Agent Thomas...but you'll have to read the book (or my review of the next book) to find out who it is... (That's when it's revealed to the reader; I've already started reading it).

Toxic [Pretty Little Liars #15]

One A has been captured…but the most dangerous A of all is still out there in the penultimate installment in Sara Shepard's #1 New York Times bestselling Pretty Little Liars series. High school seniors Aria, Emily, Spencer, and Hanna barely survived their most recent encounter with A. And it's not over yet…. The police don't believe there's another, deadlier, A out there, but the girls know what-and who-they saw. If they don't track down this final tormentor soon, A will silence them forever. Sara Shepard's fan base continues to grow as ABC Family's hit Pretty Little Liars TV show draws in new readers to the #1 New York Times bestselling series. Full of unexpected twists and shocking revelations, the second-to-last novel ramps up the stakes for the jaw-dropping series conclusion in Pretty Little Liars #16.

And so it continues. The series that stole all of Sara Shepard's creative juices from The Lying Game. 

I'll admit it, it's true. I am. I swear Sara Shepard and P. C. and Kristin Cast need to get together and let their books have babies together. Because these series are getting ridiculously long.

Anyways, a majority of Toxic has a nice feel to it. Things seem to finally be going right in the girl's world. 

Aria got discovered in the art world after a famous art critic collector named Carruthers (I think that's what he was) buys her painting...the only downside is that it's a painting of Ali. (I should've seen it coming from that little detail.) Anyway, this art critic's name is so powerful soon Aria has a showing, her mom (who made the sale at the gallery she works at) has been promoted to assistant director and Aria is giving exclusives to different art magazines and blogs. 

One of them belongs to a guy named Harrison and because she's on the rebound from Noel and her most recent break-up and their love for art, she tries to move on. Noel tells her early in the book that he needs a break and starts dating this blonde Ali-clone bimbo named Scarlet. (Am I the only one who thinks that only girls with red hair should be named Scarlet?). Deep down Aria knows she isn't really feeling Harrison and she's most def. not over Noel. And he...Oh my God, this boy makes me so mad! 

At the climax of the book, Aria sees Noel and Scarlet at the Rosewood Rally's for Underprivileged Kids (How can you have a rally for something that doesn't exist in your area?) and runs away to the bathroom because she can't handle it. However, he bursts through the bathroom 

And they are all:

Then he's all, "I don't know what I want." Shaking my head; so like a guy. I wanted to slap him. Then, he leaves. 

After Aria's left in the bathroom alone, someone from the New York Post calls and tells her that the art collector who bought her painting, didn't really buy it. He's was in Africa during all of this and someone used his name. Aria starts freaking out as the tabloid reporter starts asking if she set up the whole scandal herself, which she denies. She asks him who the name of Carruther's assistant was and he tells her, Maxine Preptwill, (however you spell it) AKA the name Noel and Ali use to use to communicate. Ali set her up. 

However, this actually backfired. Instead of Aria leaving the art world in disgrace, it only made people more interested in her art. There were more people buying her painting and her mom knew she wasn't lying about setting her own-self up. Which I loved. Usually the parents in this series piss me the fuck off. Also, Noel showed up and told her he dumped the Ali-look alike I mean, Scarlet, and tells Aria he wants her back. She agrees.

Hanna's nice new life is due to a movie that she's been invited to join. Someone is re-doing the movie of the Liars lives. Instead of that terrible Lifetime-esqe movie Pretty Little Killers, there is now movie that will be played in theaters called Burn It Down. (I hated how the movie script matched the dialogue of the books word for word.) Although, she's been invited to play Naomi instead of her self, who is being played by a celebrity named Hailey Blake. She's just another typical friend-until-she's-not character. She's all buddy-buddy with Hanna and takes her out to a movie premiere. It's there that Hanna meets the guy playing her real life boyfriend, Mike. Who (of course) kisses her. And Hailey gets the whole thing on her camera. 

Everything's going fine until Hailey's bad portrayal of Hanna's character and her partying gets to her and she and the director get into it Megan Foxx style. With Hailey no longer playing Movie-Hanna, Movie-Mike tells her that she should go after the part. So she does, but Hailey is betrayed since Hanna did nothing but encourage her to leave the movie. To get her back she sends the picture of Hanna and Movie-Mike kissing to the real Mike, who, is understandably butt-hurt. 

Hanna is so stupid, she should've told Mike about the kiss as soon as possible. You would think by now, she and the other's would have learned that if you tell all your secrets, there's nothing anyone can hold over anyone's head. But of course, none of the Liars thinks like this. 

Mike and Hanna are temporarily in a fight until Hailey decides to be on Team Hanna again after she sees film of her acting for Burn It Down. She gives Hanna her blessing for the part and fixes things with her and Mike. I liked that her mom was actually trying in her relationship and it was kind of nice that Kate was Tweet-supporting Hanna's movie role. However, I was wondering about her dad and why he didn't try to reach out to her after her murder charges were dropped. Haha...well, seeing the end of Toxic this is probably a good thing for his career. But more about that later.

Spencer's story-line pissed me off because it pointed out a flaw in this books. I swear these girls be kissing-and-dissing boys (and girls) from one book to the next. I wish I could meet guys as fast as they do. Shoot, I'd never be single. Spencer starts a bullying forum website for people who are or have been bullied to share their stories. This is her claim to fame. She goes on TV shows and gets all this coverage for her site. We also learn that in Alison's wake a bunch of fans called Ali Cats have risen. This a cult of Ali-crazed, Ali-loving fanatics who believe she is brave, misunderstood and strong for enduring everything she has. Basically they're crazy.

One of the alleged Ali Cats named Dominick sends Spencer e-mails telling her she ain't shit and she doesn't know what she's talking about. At the same time, this other guy, Greg is sending Spencer messages telling her that he is thankful for everything she has done for him and the others and blah-blah-blah. When Spencer goes on TV, he shows up-and so does Dominick, who makes a scene at the bully shoot video. After, Spencer and Greg hang out and start liking each other. In the middle of their almost-first-kiss, Ali (or is it) shows up and messes it up. Spencer and Greg spend more time together and finally kiss. She finally gets to the point where she confesses that Ali is alive and no one believes her and literally everything they knew.

Like, Spencer, you just met this boy! It's not like you've known him for years or lived in the same town as him like Noel or Mike. And even some of those people aren't trustworthy! Let alone some damn stranger! At the Rosewood Rally's event, Aria tells Spencer about Ali setting up her art career just so she can fall. She's so upset that Greg notices and keeps pressing the issue so Spencer tells him what's up. Of course, Greg turned out to also be Dominck, meaning he was sending both e-mails to Spencer. The Dominick Spencer thought she had seen, was just a friend of his doing a favor. Greg turns out to be a Ali Cat employed by Ali himself. 

On second thought, maybe they should be together. So they can be stupid together. Ali doesn't let people who go blabbing her secrets live. Which is why Ali kills him at the end. 

Emily is the only one who had a terrible story-line. Like, her's was gut-wrenching. I'm starting to think that Sara and Pretty Little Liars the TV show are starting to play off each other. (If you want to see these TV spoilers, highlight the lines below. First, Noel knew Ali's secret in the books and he knew she was alive in the TV show. Maya gets killed off on the TV show and now Jordan is killed too.) Emily's notorious thief girlfriend and her lawyer have figured out a way to get her out a jail. Somehow, both times she was arrested, she conveniently wasn't read her Miranda rights and a bunch of other stuff. If everything goes as planned, Jordan will get out on parole, although she and Emily can't run away together. Either way, she and Emily make plans together. Just before this happens though, Emily has a run in with a Crazy Ali. Before this all of the Liars have been having great lives. No one's been getting any texts and even though they knew Ali is still out there, no one's had any runs with her.But then when Emily is doing laps at the pool when Ali shows up and is all, 

And Emily is all, Bitch, please. Ali gets mad and nearly drowns her by holding her down in the water. She makes some ominous threat then takes off. But Emily's not about to have it. She snatches Ali's hoodie off of her and inside is a receipt to a grocery store. 

Soon after this though, Emily tries to use Jordan's lawyer to patch her through to the prison and the lawyer callously gives her some bad news: Jordan's dead. One of her inmates killed her and escaped. The first thing Emily thinks is Ali. She refused to tell her she loved her because she had finally moved on with Jordan and in response, Ali killed her not her inmate. However, everyone thinks she's crazy. I'm not even sure how I felt about this until the inmate's body turns up too.

She is heartbroken and although her parents keep asking what's wrong, she doesn't tell them because she knows they won't care as much because Jordan was a criminal. She lies and claims that the bruises from her nearly death-by-Ali experience were self-inflicted and starts sleeping in the closet. Her mom tries to make her feel better by trying to set her up at the Rosewood Rally. Which I thought was a very nice gesture coming from the parents who sent her away because of her sexuality. But she also thought something very important. How many times does she have to get disowned by her parents before tragedy brings them back together? A compelling (and slightly convenient) question.

Emily and the others track down the store that the receipt came from. One of the cashiers drops this accidental hint about Ali which later gets her killed. The girls figure out that Nick, Ali's ex-boyfriend, and his family had a house in the area that's been vacant for a while. They go search in the area, but Ali is nowhere to be found although they smell her perfume. They decide to set up cameras in the area and take turns watching them. Emily goes on a secret rampage one day and destroys the house although she cleans up after herself but the cameras catch everything. Spencer sees who she thinks is Dominick checking out the area one day and tries to catch up, but he runs. She later finds out it was Greg who, specially wanted to know if there were cameras.

During the Rally, the girls get together and go back to the house. There they find blood everywhere and a sweater that they stupidly take with them (removing evidence? I kind of get it but at the same time it makes me so mad!) and a hastily cleaned up crime scene. They call the cops then leave and all spend the night at Emily's. The next morning, Agent Fuji shows up suddenly believing them that Ali is alive. Or rather was. They found Ali's blood, torture devices and her tooth at the house. They know about the cameras and several witnesses have seen them in the area. The Liars are accused of keeping and torturing Ali to death. They are all arrested.

Ha, I wonder how she feels since each of the girl's success ties back to her. The first painting Aria sold was of Ali. The movie that's putting Hanna on the map is about Ali. Spencer's bullying website is due to her experiences with Ali. I swear if the next book isn't the last I'm gonna scream! It can only end like Obsessed. It's the only way this can ever truly be over. 

Ali has to die.

Don't Look Back (Jennifer L. Armentrout)

Samantha is a stranger in her own life. Until the night she disappeared with her best friend, Cassie, everyone said Sam had it all-popularity, wealth, and a dream boyfriend. Sam has resurfaced, but she has no recollection of who she was or what happened to her that night. As she tries to piece together her life from before, she realizes it's one she no longer wants any part of. The old Sam took "mean girl" to a whole new level, and it's clear she and Cassie were more like best enemies. Sam is pretty sure that losing her memories is like winning the lottery. She's getting a second chance at being a better daughter, sister, and friend, and she's falling hard for Carson Ortiz, a boy who has always looked out for her-even if the old Sam treated him like trash. But Cassie is still missing, and the facts about what happened to her that night isn't just buried deep inside of Sam's memory-someone else knows, someone who wants to make sure Sam stays quiet. All Sam wants is the truth, and if she can unlock her clouded memories of that fateful night, she can finally move on. But what if not remembering is the only thing keeping Sam alive?

I was so excited about this book, I really was but it disappointed me. And it wasn't the plot (the main non-romantic plot was kick ass). Instead it was the bland characters and the writing that bored me and had me skimming this novel. Oh, god, not to mention the dialogue.

When Sam was like, "I'm so going to kill her," I was like,

Except for names, appearances and connections to other characters, there were no defining characteristics for any of the characters. What did Sam love to do other then shopping? What did she want to go to Yale to study? Did she have any new interests as New-Sam? What did Carson want to go to Penn State and study?Sam was the typical Mean Girl who used to rule her school There's nothing unique about her. She has a copy-cat near lookalike best friend, Cassie and a boyfriend that everyone covets. Of course Cassie and the boyfriend (Del) messed around behind Sam's back before she lost her memory. And Del is the typical good looking, rich, top athlete (in this case baseball) at her school. And a loser. Who the fuck sends pictures of their girlfriend going down on them around school-while she is your girlfriend? Are you trying not to ever get it again? And who the fuck takes him back?

Anyway, now that Sam is New Sam, she doesn't want to be like that anymore. She wants the friend she gave up (her brother's girlfriend Julie) back in exchange for Veronica, Candy but not Lauren (the nice one of her Mean Girls group). So she does this by getting pissed off at the Mean Girls for calling people fat and stopped dressing like a model. Not to mention she decides she wants Carson, who is the son of Sam's groundskeeper.

The plot though-the main plot was sooo interesting. I didn't give a crap about Carson and Sam's feelings for each other. That was obvious from Day One when she saw him and was so head-over-heels for him and thought he was her boyfriend. There was nothing unique about Carson except he's Mexican and good looking but that's it. Anyway, I started wondering if Don't Look Back was going to follow in the footsteps of Choker making the protagonist crazy and everything in her head. However, while she was a little crazy (understandable seeing the circumstances that caused the trauma in the first place) she didn't kill Cassie.

I had guessed from the times Sam had said that she and Cassie looked alike that they were going to somehow be related. Sam's parents aren't in love. The old money mom is embarrassed of her relationship with the scholarship Yale student she married. However, she doesn't want to divorce him because she doesn't want to be talked about. Anyway, Sam's dad had an one-night-stand with Cassie's mom at some point and she agreed to leave town with their daughter. That child would've fucked up his marriage especially seeing the pre-nup that is in place so he refused to acknowledge her. Later, Cassie and her mom come to town and somehow Cassie has found her birth certificate with her real dad's name on it (talk about amateurs). And goes all Wicked Witch of the West for the next couple of years.

               

The night in question, Cassie (for some random reason on this night) decides to set Sam up to hear the truth. She and Sam's dad meet up at the lake and fight as she begs him to be in her life. (Sad). But then she decides to blackmail him and he (accidently?) pushes her off the cliff where she dies. He doesn't know that Sam is there until she comes shooting out of the trees and slips and falls too. Her fucked up dad thinks they're both dead and leaves them there WITHOUT A CELL PHONE! Because he didn't want to lose the rich lifestyle he'd become accustomed too.

However, the trauma was great to Sam. She saw her best friend/secret sister get killed by her father and then nearly died afterwards. She hallucinated Cassie's killer in the back of her car which caused her to have a car accident. And all the notes she was getting, she was actually writing to herself.

I should've been able to figure out from the notes. Actually, no I shouldn't. I don't know why Sam was writing these notes to herself when they weren't helpful at all. They were vague (and stupid) enough to keep up the suspicion that it was someone else writing the notes to her.

#1) Don't look back. You won't like what you'll find.
#2) There was blood on the rocks. Her blood. Your blood.
#3) You know why she was at the lake.
#4) You know who killed Cassie.
#5) Don't let him know you remember anything.

Towards the ending, it seems like the author started rushing herself. The final memory of That Night which is broken up in two different chapters, is recounted to us as a story through Sam instead of a flashback like all the others we had seen. I really would've loved to hear the dialogue between Cassie and Sam's dad and to feel exactly what Sam was feeling. Not to mention what happened when she fell and hurt herself too. And why the heck did the dad take her phone? What made Cassie randomly decide to confront the dad that night out of all times.

Anyway, if you can get past the horrible dialogue (most high schoolers say ass not "butt"), the cardboard characters and the lack of interesting romance, I would recommend this book.

For the plot.

Strictly for the plot. 

The One & Only (Emily Giffin)

Thirty-three-year-old Shea Rigsby has spent her entire life in Walker, Texas—a small college town that lives and dies by football, a passion she unabashedly shares. Raised alongside her best friend, Lucy, the daughter of Walker’s legendary head coach, Clive Carr, Shea was too devoted to her hometown team to leave. Instead she stayed in Walker for college, even taking a job in the university athletic department after graduation, where she has remained for more than a decade. But when an unexpected tragedy strikes the tight-knit Walker community, Shea’s comfortable world is upended, and she begins to wonder if the life she’s chosen is really enough for her. As she finally gives up her safety net to set out on an unexpected path, Shea discovers unsettling truths about the people and things she has always trusted most—and is forced to confront her deepest desires, fears, and secrets.

BEFORE READING
Just reading the reviews and seeing the others who hated all the Texas and football in this book makes me want to read it. I'm from Texas and in the South, football is like a second religion. A reviewer seemed pissed off by the books point that no one cares if you've been raped if the guy plays football, and sadly this really does occur in high school, college and pro-ball. The summary intrigued me but so did the other readers opinions. I can't wait to get my hands on this book.

AFTER READING
I wasn't sure what to expect from this book. I don't really run into books that talk about football in the Texas setting so much. And usually when you see girls like Shea, they don't seem 100% authentic. Girls like Shea who are that into football are usually in romance novels that have a little more emphasis on sex and seem only as a plot device to intense the male lead. However, Shea doesn't seem like that at all. Overall, I'm not sure how I felt about her as a character. Mainly it was her crush on her best friend's coach that got me. I really was psycho-analyzing her reasons for have feelings for Coach.

I figured it was because of her complicated relationship with her father. He is the impiety of guys who don't know what they want. He cheated on his first wife with Shea's mom, married her, had a kid with her then turned around and decided he wanted his first wife and daughter and left them. Coach was the only kind of father-figure in Shea's life so I figured that's why she liked him. I didn't expect for him to return her feelings and I definitely wasn't expecting for them to be together. Especially in light of how The One & Only begins. Lucy's mom and Coach's wife has just lost her battle to cancer and passed away as the novel opens. And this awakens something in Shea as she realizes she's going nowhere in life.

She stayed in town and went to Walker U, (the university that Coach coaches at, and the fictional rival of the University of Texas-Austin) works at Walker.

She's dating this boring but well-meaning loser, Miller and is doing nothing with her life. The funeral at the beginning serves as a catalyst to Shea questioning what she's done with her life and (annoyingly so) it's Coach who actually motivates a change. She quits her job at Walker U and starts working as a sports journalist at the Dallas Morning Post. She breaks up with Miller and starts dating the Dallas Cowboys (fictional) quarterback and Walker alum, Ryan James. Whoo! No more Tony Romo!

Anyway, he seemed nice enough in the beginning. Against her reservations, Shea sleeps over (haha, but doesn't sleep over) the night of their first date. Then pretty soon they're having sex. I was concerned because Ryan just ended a marriage and is keeping in touch with his wife. However, he's not cheating and if anyone is hiding their relationship, it's Shea. She doesn't want to be in the spotlight and she doesn't want Coach to know.

If there was any doubts about Coach and Shea's relationship in the beginning, Giffin did a good job of taking Shea's unrequited crush into genuine love between both characters. She actually developed a relationship past the platonic one that existed before between Shea and Coach that was real and legitimate. One of the things I really liked about this book is that Giffin has no problem breaking Shea's hero worship of Coach. Despite her argument against my (and her father's thoughts) that her feelings for Coach were just due to his role as a father figure in her life, her feelings for him weren't just because of him being who he was. However, it isn't because he's a stand-in father figure that she likes him, but Shea worships him a pure, sinless football god. For the two to truly be able to move forward in their relationship this has to be broken and Shea has to see him as a person.

I had a bunch of questions about the relationship. For a long time, I assumed that Coach wasn't going to return Shea's feelings and she'd end her relationship with Dallas Cowboys quarterback, Ryan Jame and end up alone. However, that's not what happened. So when I saw the direction the novel was going I started wondering how exactly this relationship would work. But Shea insisted that she didn't want kids. But I still wondered if Coach wanted to marry her one day, how exactly would that work? Being her best friends stepmom?

Which reminds me of another aspect about their relationship I kept wondering about: Lucy. Lucy's reaction to Shea and Coach's relationship was valid to me.

a) She was closer to her mother
b) and her mother has recently died
c) not to mention, Lucy can't picture her dad with anyone but her mother
d) ...let alone her own best friend
e) ...who already has a relationship with her father that Lucy's jealous of.

No wonder she was mad! No matter what Shea says, Coach was not a good father to Lucy. She didn't want to have anything to do with his football world and he didn't try to meet her on another level like she tried to with him. Throughout the entire novel this doesn't change. Lucy keeps trying and Coach doesn't care. He tries in his relationship with Shea and Lucy even allows the two to be together in the end. But in the last glimpse we see of them, Coach still isn't trying to create a better relationship with Lucy. He even forgets Lucy's birthday and hilariously enough, his granddaughter called him out on it.

I died!

I will admit, yes there's a lot of football in this book. Maybe a little too much for Giffin's target audience without some kind of glossary or clues. However, I only found myself skimming over one scene that had too much football for me.

One complaint I do have is the alleged rape is dealt very off-handedly and like an afterthought in the story. I still don't understand why Coach decided to bring it up especially since it wasn't really dealt with. It actually kind of pissed me off how Shea and Coach were so sure to dismiss the victim's story because they "'can't believe Ryan would even rape someone."

Are you serious? Do you know how many mothers and fathers, sons and daughters, friends, siblings and co-workers insisted that alleged rapists weren't rapists when they actually are. You weren't in the room therefore you don't know. Did she not remember just earlier in the book that she didn't think Ryan would ever grab on her and hurt her? Talk about Too Stupid To Live. That really pissed me off. That was some true ignorance that I don't know if the author meant to include in the story or not.

Otherwise this was a very interesting read and I enjoyed seeing my home (properly and realistically) portrayed in literature.

The Probability of Miracles (Wendy Wunder)

Dry, sarcastic, sixteen-year-old Cam Cooper has spent the last seven years in and out hospitals. The last thing she wants to do in the short life she has left is move 1,500 miles away to Promise, Maine - a place known for the miraculous events that occur there. But it's undeniable that strange things happen in Promise: everlasting sunsets; purple dandelions; flamingos in the frigid Atlantic; an elusive boy named Asher; and finally, a mysterious envelope containing a list of things for Cam to do before she dies. As Cam checks each item off the list, she finally learns to believe - in love, in herself, and even in miracles. A debut novel from an immensely talented new writer, The Probability of Miracles crackles with wit, romance and humor and will leave readers laughing and crying with each turn of the page.

First off, yayyyy for a protagonist that's not white for once!

Or, at least not full white. Not to mention Cam's other culture (she's half Samoan) is completely embraced in this novel. There's even a scene where one of her friends tries to make a little joke about her Samoan side but she quickly sets them straight. You go, girl!

There are few books that make me want to reread them in physical form (versus in electronic form), but this is one of them. Despite the different plot points and characteristics that frequent most contemporary YA novels, this one managed to stay original...mostly.

Most importantly, Cam is dying of cancer. And Since her father died, Alicia (Cam's mom) has been with a bunch of different guys. Therefore Cam has learned true love=not real. Commitment=doesn't exist. People=are fickle. Also, Cam is a very sarcastic, I'm-not-a-typical-teenager teenager. The story isn't told through her point of view but third person, however the focus remains strictly on Cam. 

Cam has a best friend (who also has the same cancer) who is having an affair with another girl's boyfriend. I was really hoping this plot-line was going to be different. First the guy, Ryan, goes to youth group and his girlfriend won't have sex with him. Lily (the best friend) goes to youth group too but will have sex with him. When we first see Ryan and Lily interact he seems to go beyond the stereotypes the plot demands of him. He waits for Lily to eat before he does, he helps her when she has a remission-caused nosebleed and seems like he genuinely cares about her. But when Cam gets him alone and asks his intentions, Ryan basically states he doesn't see the point of dumping his girlfriend for him. I can't decide if he thinks this because she is dying or because he really doesn't want to be with her. It sucked.

Cam's best friend also ties in another plot device from other YA stories. When she and Cam were younger and were away at what seemed like a cancer camp, they each made bucket lists. However, to keep them from sounding so depressing they call them Flamingo lists. 

A lot of Cam's sarcasm and personality comes out in her penning of the list, which is a sad ode to the life of a teenager/teens in YA. (Is this really what we're like?)

FLAMINGO LIST (I rearranged them in the order they are achieved)

* Experiment with petty shoplifting.

* Have an awkward moment with my best friend’s boyfriend.

* Dabble in some innocent stalking behavior.

* Drink beer.

* Lose my virginity at a keg party.

* Have my heart broken by an asshole.

* Stay out all night.

* Wallow in misery, mope, pout, and sleep through Saturday.

* Get fired from a summer job.

* Go cow-tipping.

* Kill my little sister’s dreams.

Anyways, in the beginning of the novel Cam has just found out that she is in remission yet again but this time there is nothing the doctors can do for her. This flashback was really sad because Cam's doctor was upset and she was trying to make him feel better. So her mom is like, we're going to find a cure. She hears about this magical miracle town in Maine called Promise and whisks Cam and her little sister Perry away from their DisneyWorld life (they work/live at DisneyWorld, BTW) and leaves her current boyfriend behind.

Once in Promise, miracles ignite. Almost immediately in their entrance to the town Cam meets a boy named Asher. Asher is a bunch of cliches. He is a good-looking football player who has the cream of the crop (what the hell does that saying even mean?) to chose from with girls. However, in his spare time Asher enjoys getting hand jobs from older women. Also, Asher is afraid. He's afraid to leave Promise because his parents died when they left, so what if he does too?

In the beginning I liked Cam and Asher's relationship. Yes, she thought he was cute and engaged in some innocent stalking from her widows walk but he wasn't all that she was thinking about. Cam still had a personality past her crush on Asher. And their relationship seemed to progress at a good phase. That is, until Cam's new employer and Asher's aunt reveals his back story to her. I felt like this took the place of a actual intimate bonding moment between the two characters that could've furthur developed their relationship. Instead, it was still used as such. Soon a rift occurs between Cam, Asher, Perry and Alicia, they kiss and soon are all touchy-feely with each other.

Cam soon gets a lot of her list done. In one night and the fallout that follows, she manages to knock a good three or four off her list. Perry insists that she goes to a island rager which you have to zip-line to get too. Once there Cam actually makes some friends her age like this girl named Sunny and starts hula dancing. She also drinks a little and manages to catch a drunkie. The guy's name is Alec and he is a French exchange student. He leads Cam to this boat where they start making out. She tries to tell him no, but he's all:

and takes her virginity even though she didn't say yes. In fact, she specifically said no. So it was non-consensual sex. I know she didn't fight and later said that it actually started feeling good...until it didn't but still. If someone says no, it means:

I didn't even really process what the fuck had happened until later when I re-read that scene. Ugh, what a fucking loser. Then on top of that, (of course) Alec has a girlfriend. A girlfriend that Cam sorta-kinda-but-not-really be friends as time passes. I know she had given up on finding love before she died but I really wish that she could've had a different first time.

This book brought up some good points. Like Perry goes off on Cam once for not recognizing that as young as she is, she's had to make sacrifices for Cam's illness too. Cam isn't the only one being effected by her cancer. So is her mom and her sister. I think it's fairly easy in books like these for the authors and main characters to get lost in their struggle and seeing the grief in the people around them that they forget this aspect. The loved ones of someone with cancer aren't just mourning, they are making sacrifices for the cancer patient whether they are dying and trying to find a cure. It was so sad though to hear Perry have to tell Cam this. 
One of the main issues in the story is that Cam refuses to believe in miracles. She refuses to believe that the town was magical. She even gets into a fight with her mom and sister about this. They beg her to believe and she refuses. Trying to help them, she tries to make her mom's garden magically grow overnight and makes a donkey into a unicorn for her sister. However, she fails miserably.

At this point Cam hits the lowest of low points. Desperately needing someone to talk to, she tries to call Lily but her mother informs her that Lily actually died three days ago and they had forgotten to call Cam and let her know. Finally Cam is done.

She decides that she's tired of living and takes a bunch of pills and tries to drive her car off a cliff. But the pills kick in too soon and she crashes into a bouncy house and Asher manages to find her (after his dick's happy time) and forces her to throw up the pills. After this, she manages to work everything out with her family and Asher. This actually leads to Asher cutting off the older girl and he and Cam eventually start dating.

Everything seems good for a while. Somehow Lily managed to send Cam a couple of gifts beyond the grave. The first is the now-bedazzled picture of them that Cam stole from her house. She also actually made a real version of that book thing they were writing together. She also sent Cam her own Flamingo list. The only thing that wasn't checked (I was soooooo sad. I had hoped things would change for her) was "find true love" but Cam decided that she, herself had. The last thing Lily arranged was a Make a Wish gift that ironically sent Cam back home to DisneyWorld with her friends.

Just as she prepares to take Asher and her friends to DisneyWorld, Asher notices a blue spot (a symptom of her disease) on her, but she blows it off. Her focus is getting him and her friends outside of Promise to show them what the world is like. Her mother kept refusing to let her go because she was scared that leaving Promise would send Cam in remission. She's partly right, but the new blue spot appears right before they even leave. Anyway, the trip is nice, she and Asher have sex (although they've had sex before this and are dating now, hence the touch-feely period) and they bring back Alicia's left behind boyfriend because Cam realizes now that her sister and mother love him more then just temporarily. The boyfriend proposes to the mom and they get married in Promise.

This is where the next couple of chapters keep having the perfect endings for the novel, but they aren't the endings. It'll just be another chapter. Cam starts semi-dreaming of the future. She's been accepted into Harvard and Asher is semi-considering leaving Promise. However, Cam can feel death coming for her. The symptoms started just before she left Promise and are only getting worse. But then the two of them get into a  huge fight as Cam tries to push Asher to leave Promise. It almost sounds like a last wish. Angry, Asher goes out in the sea and a huge storm appears.

A ghost ancestor of his appears to Cam and tells her that yes, she will be dying soon but she has to call him back. Cam holds on for as long as she can before she passes out. Her family has to leave Promise to get her to a real hospital. Cam says goodbye to her family and luckily Asher appears and they say their goodbyes.

And then she dies. My first thought was: What? WHAT? She dies? She dies? What the hell kind of book is called The Probability of Miracles and she actually dies!!?! Was that the point? So we could calculate the chances of the things that Cam did experience in Promise were actually miracles? Or were they just a bunch of coincidences? Was it a coincidence that the flamingos came there or were they really for her? Was it a coincidence that she was getting better before she died or was it really the works of a miracle that didn't work?

But maybe the miracle wasn't that Cam was supposed to live. Maybe the miracle was that she actually saw and experienced love and died with it. I know when she died she was surprised she still felt the love of all her loved ones. Maybe the miracle was Asher. Maybe the miracle was finding friends, a family. Maybe the miracle was seeing that true love and commitment were real despite her past and people like Alec probing her wrong. Maybe the miracle was the love Cam actually had to earn from Asher and Sunny and the others and the love she witnessed between Perry, her mother and her boyfriend. Maybe that's the miracle: love.

Anyway, despite my spoiling of the plot you should definitely read this book. I loved the writing and some of the characters. This book is underrated on Goodreads and should definitely be read more.